The Woman Project, Woman Fact 3: The Cost of Saying No

THE WOMAN PROJECT — Woman Fact 3

What does it cost a woman to say "no" out loud?

READ IT

I said no to an extra task once, calmly, with a reason attached. A man on my team said no to something similar, that same month, with barely a reason at all. He was seen as "managing his time well." I was seen as "difficult."

I used to think this was just my imagination, or my particular workplace. It isn't. It's been measured, over and over, in real research, on thousands of people.

A study of more than 11,000 people, led by researchers Joseph Grenny and David Maxfield, found that when women pushed back as directly as men did, people's estimate of their deserved pay dropped by up to $15,088 a year, roughly twice the drop men experienced for the same behavior. Their perceived competence dropped by 35%. Separate research from Yale's Victoria Brescoll found that assertive men often get a status boost, while assertive women are more often seen as less likable, regardless of how right they actually are.

So no, it wasn't in my head. Saying no, clearly, calmly, without over-explaining, genuinely costs women something that it doesn't cost men. That doesn't mean stop saying it. It means knowing exactly what you're up against when you do.

THINK IT

Think of the last time you said no to something. Did you explain yourself more than you needed to? What would it feel like to say it once, and stop there?